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A Letter For My Foolish Father

by Mey Lyn Joy Lopez
(Pasig City)

Dear Papa,

I wish I could reach you because you flew too high and forgot to look down.

As time goes by I learned to live without you because you left me all alone and replaced us with a new one. I never forgot you, I just learned to let go of you.

At first, it was hard. I tried to hold you back so you won't drift away from me. I just want to tell you how I want to turn back time so that those moments when you were still with us, when we were still once a family so that I can always cherish those moments and maybe I would even not want to come back in present time because in my heart I know that nothing can make me any happier than being your daughter and being your family.

You forgot me haven't you? You forgot my mother. You abandoned us and I don't know what I have done wrong for you to ruin my mother, my sister and my once dreamed family. You shattered my heart into pieces when you walked away home and never came back even once.

Thank you also for what you have done because now I have promised myself no matter happens I will do anything to keep my own family complete. At least you taught me that. All my life I will always carry the scar you caused me.

Your once called daughter,
Mey Lyn

Comments for A Letter For My Foolish Father

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My Heart Goes Out To You
by: Annie Desantis

Hi Mey Lyn,
What a powerful letter you wrote to your father. My father died last week, and I know how hard it is to have a father that goes off on his own journey and totally turns a family upside down.

I have had contact with my father over the years, and was able to let go of my hurt at feeling he stopped being a father to me. I did build a low key relationship with him based on just simply being in the present, and sharing whatever we did together at that time.

There were things I was not able to say to him, in his last few years he suffered from dementia, and really was only able to relate in a limited way.

Sometimes we can talk to our parents as adults and are able to heal some of the past and understand a little of what was happening for them. Sometimes we have to learn to let go of the hurt and just hold onto the memories that are precious - despite the hurt.

If your father is still alive, I would encourage you to try to at least reach out and see if you can find some connection with him. Maybe it will help you to heal and let go some of the hurt that you have carried from childhood. He may have left your family, but you are always his daughter, and he is your father.

Go gently,
Annie D

My Foolish Father
by: Anonymous

Thanks for the tip Annie - it's just that I've tried tons of time reaching out to him but he often ignored me and in some instances he just breaks my heart. He keeps on giving me a reason to give up on him. I gave him a chance to be a father to me but he just keeps on disappointing me. I gave him more than enough chance for him to prove to me that it's not too late to give up on him.

Thanks again and hope to hear from you soon.

Your letter inspires me
by: Heidi

Hello Mey Lin (I'm sorry if I spelled wrong)

I have been struggling for days to write a letter to my father. It's time for me to end our father-daughter relationship. I'm 54 years old and sadly all of my adult life I have struggled to communicate with my father.

My parents divorced when I was 7 years old. When I was twelve, my father moved to another state. I saw him twice a year. I didn't grow up with him, and he often treats me like I am a child. He knows very little about me, yet he is very critical of me to this day. Most of his life he has been an alcoholic.

For 14 years I didn't have contact with him. But 4 years ago I contacted him. He is strange and inappropriate toward me. Yet I kept the relationship alive, just barely, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I've allowed myself to be hurt again and again instead of protecting myself. In my situation it's important that I tell him what I need to. I cannot worry about how he will take it.

I think your letter is very poetic and explains your feelings very clearly. You have all the knowledge you need to make a decision about how you and your father interact. My mother was also abusive. So I've gathered loving friends around me who have my best interests at heart. When people say, "But he's your father?!" They don't know how painful it is for me.

Here's a saying: You can't pick your parents, but you can pick your friends.

I will feel sad whether or not I talk to him, but I will feel strong because I am taking myself seriously--which is something he won't do.

I hope you both find peace and health.

I think you are a treasure--you are a wonderful daughter and woman. You are very strong!

Thank you for letting me read your letter. You helped me during a hard time--and that's a really big deal!

I wish you much joy! :)
Heidi

Annie's Comments
Thanks Keidi for sharing your story too. It is terribly painful when we have a parent that is destructive or the relationship is toxic. Doing what you need to do to disconnect and heal is what is important, no matter what other people may say.

It sounds like he is most likely a very hurt and damaged person himself. But it is not your responsibility to try to fix him or the relationship if there is no attempt from his side to meet you half way.

Very sad for you, in an ideal world we all need a Mum and Dad who love and support us. Sadly many of us don't get that and have to find other relationships that are nourishing and loving.

Take very good care of yourself and surround yourself with love and support.

with love,
Annie D:)

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