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Do Affirmations Work?In many cases affirmations don't work - most people don't know how to design and use them effectively! We'll look at how to create powerful affirmations, that are a lot more than just positive thinking. My uncle used to call them positive lies, and of course for him they didn't work!Firstly, a lot of people don't know how to word them correctly. Like our thoughts, most people are framing them in the negative, saying what they want to get rid of. For example: I want to loose 10 pounds. For an affirmation to be powerful, it needs to be stated as positively present. By that I mean, it must worded as a statement of exactly what you do want, as if you already had it.
Ineffective Affirmations:Here are some examples of ineffectively worded affirmations, and below, a more effective one:
Ineffective:
Guess what - you are continuing to tell the story, I yell at my kids.
Better:
Still focusing on yelling!
More Powerful:
You'll notice the affirmations moved from being about the kids, to being about me! We think as parents that our job is to change and shape our kids. Of course we have a major impact on our children, but they are also here to teach you.
Of course Julie had several issues to focus on, and we used several different techniques, but affirmations were one of the tools that identified the core issue, which was really nothing to do with her kids, other than they highlighted it for her. Underneath the yelling, was a lack of respect and love for herself. She felt that if she didn't control her children then she was showing she was a bad mother, and of course, what was she getting? Out of control children, who didn't show her respect! We worked to uncover where the beliefs came from, and Julie used affirmations to help her focus on herself and her behaviour with her children, rather than focusing on trying to change her children. We also set up some family processess to increase the positive interactions with her children, but the important shift for Julie was treating herself with love and respect, and that is where affirmations can be an excellent tool to shift the energy. Within weeks she noticed a huge difference in her children's attitude to her - and her husband commented she was much easier to be around!
Ineffective: Firstly, trying implies failure! It suggests that you can't do something. Also, in this example the focus is still on nagging.
Better:
MMMMM, you may already be doing that before you started nagging! So will it work? It depends what you are trying to do. Often the power behind the affirmation process, is not just about positive thinking, it is a process of uncovering what is underneath your initial desire. Are you really wanting to change yourself or are you wanting to change the kids, your spouse, your boss? You may get a change from others when you change your behaviour and responses, but if you are doing the affirmation to make the kids pick up after themselves without you nagging, then it won't work!
More Powerful:
Nothing to do with nagging, nothing to do with what you don't want, toys or clothes on the floor - but instead the focus is on building higher vibrations in your family.
Unpacking Belief SystemsAffirmations are more powerful when used as a tool to uncover what is underneath all the stories we tell ourselves.
You will start to uncover your belief system, and then affirmations about those will be the most powerful to use. I'll give you an example of Rhonda, a client of mine who had difficulty showing affection to her three year old son. She thought she SHOULD be able to, she did love him, but just found it hard to cuddle and demonstrate her love. (We'll look at SHOULDS in another article!) Among other processess, we worked with the affirmation: I enjoy cuddling my son. (just a simple statement of what she wanted) She wrote it down with responses alongside about 20 times, mostly the response was along the lines of, I don't like cuddling him, I wish I did, I'm a terrible mother, other Mom's show their children affection etc. Eventually she got to a response, I'm scared to show him how much I love him. Along with copious tears it came out that she believed if she let herself love him and show it, he would die or leave her. At the age of three (same age her son was now!) her beloved grandfather died unexpectedly and her mother was so distracted with her own grief, Rhonda was sent outside a lot to play by herself. She associated loving someone with loss, grief and fear of being alone.
So it was far more powerful for Rhonda to use a series of affirmations to attend
to the underlying belief:
NB: Rhonda now has a wonderful warm cuddly relationship with her little boy and has since had three more children! So, to Summarize, Affirmations:
More Resources about AffirmationsWant some extra coaching on using positive affirmations? You can either have a Personal Coaching session with Annie, or use the online Ask Annie coaching. (It doesn't have to be parenting questions)Louise Hay, was one of my early inspirational teachers. She also has written a lovely book on teaching children to use affirmations. Affirmations, how to make them more powerful.
More Resources for ParentsNegotiating with TeensTeenage years can be a delight and a challenge for many parents. Heres some ideas on handling some of those tricky times!
Teenage Behavior
LoaParentCoach.com
Disciplining children.
Do Children Misbehave?
Free Law of Attraction Parenting Games.
Parenting Coach
Law of Attraction and Positive Attitude: This article looks at Victor Frankel's amazing attitude despite terrible experiences, and how we have the power to choose our thoughts.
Conscious Creation
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Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches.
Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment in a child's life and it's like lighting up a whole roomful of possibilities.
Gary Smalley
Ask Annie Your Parenting QuestionsYour Questions and my Answer become a page here at Law of Attraction Parenting, so together we inspire other Parents.
Online Parent Coaching only $9.95 PLUS you get a free copy of my e-book worth $29.95,
Parent CoachingMember Benefits
For more information visit LOAParentCoach.com
Looking forward to meeting you!
Annie D |
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In the example above Julie often felt out of control with her children. She
didn't feel they respected her unless she screamed at them and even that was
becoming more and more ineffective. She came to me when she had escalated to
hitting her children and said yelling at them doesn't work anymore.
She hated that she was loosing control and felt overwhelmed with guilt.
Try this exercise:







