Angry Parents = Angry KidsAngry Parents are much more likely to participate in bad parenting behavior. Our kids learn by our example, and kids growing up in an angry household are likely to end up angry teenagers.
Of course no-one wants to be a bad parent, we simply tend to parent the way we were parented unless we actively work to change our behavior.
Are You An Angry Parent?
If you think you might be one of those angry parents, then admitting you have a problem is the first step, and the chances are that's why you landed on this page. So first off - give yourself a pat on the back. I'm not here chastise you for bad parenting, I'm here to support you to make some changes, and manage that anger so you don't end up with angry kids, and angry teens that get totally out of control.
Did You Grow Up With Angry Parents?Stop and think about the way you were raised. Did you grow up with an Authoritarian Parenting Style? Was Dad a Sargent Major who expected everyone to jump when he said jump? Or was your Mom someone who yelled and screamed at you if you messed up?
Most angry parents didn't grow up in a happy loving home a lot of the time. You may have been well provided for, but the chances are you did not feel you were doing it right most of the time. If you were a fiesty kid, you probably had a few battles with your parents, and the odds are you were an angry kid too.
Learning where our anger comes from is the first step. Recognizing you have learned to throw your weight around by seeing your Mom or Dad parent that way, is the first part of choosing differently.
How did you feel as a child when Mom or Dad was yelling at you or maybe even belting you one? You were probably scared, felt stupid, maybe you were angry too. Parents tend to be able to dominate kids simply because of the power of our voices, our size or our threatening behavior. But what happens when you get an angry teenager?
Angry teens have been known to hit back. Or run away and end up on the streets.
Angry Parents Are Not In The Drivers SeatWhen you are sitting on a powder keg, your anger is driving you. There is a backlog of rage and hurt that fuels an explosion every time you get even slightly annoyed. More often than not, angry parents over-react, and small issues become a major showdown.
Finding ways to release all that backlog is pretty important. It is not a matter of squashing it down and trying to control it by repressing it. You have a right to be angry, although the odds are your anger is not really about the behavior of your kids. The chances are you have a huge reserve of anger at Mom or Dad for blaming you, or hitting you, or yelling at you every time you even looked like you might mess-up.
Angry parents usually don't have very good self esteem. No wonder, you weren't praised and appreciated, you were put down and your contribution was not valued.
Stop and think a minute - do you do the same thing with your kids? Do you yell at them? Do you put them down? Do you try to make them feel bad so they'll shape up?
Well guess what - it simply doesn't work. All you are doing is turning your kids into a mini you, seething with rage against the world.
Let Off SteamIt can really help to get some counselling or therapy to help you discharge that backlog and learn to respond in more appropriate ways. It can be scary and difficult to unpackage a lot of that anger, and having someone to help you deal with it constructively will fast track you to handling your feelings more constructively.
Some Ways To Release Anger
Have You Got An Angry Kid?Do you feel you have a child who is out of control, that you have tried everything and nothing seems to work?
Are you and your partner fighting over your angry teenagers? Is there one child or teen in the family that seems to be the problem in the family?
Well I have good news for you, I have a colleague who runs a brilliant program to help parents deal with difficult children - starting with YOU. He is just about to offer it online for a small group of parents, so Contact Me, and I'll let you know when he is ready to go.
Avoid Bad ParentingTaking responsibility for learning to manage your anger better is really important. It's not OK to lash out and hurt your kids, even verbally, but it is really hard in the heat of the moment to something differently. You need to be prepared ahead of time with strategies that you can use when you feel yourself turning into raging angry parents.
Build Your Anger Management Toolkit
If you slip back, have a stressful day, end up yelling at the kids - Don't give yourself a hard time about being a bad parent - but do take responsibility for clearing it up. Go back to your kids - or your spouse, and tell them you are angry, but your reaction was not OK, and you are doing something about managing it better.
And then Get Help - you can deal with issues constructively, you don't have to repeat the kind of parenting your parents did. Learn to build the relationships in your life, not destroy. It is in your power to break the cycle, and raise your kids to be happy, productive little munchkins that learn better ways of dealing with strong feelings. You are their role model, be someone they can look up to.
I'm a trained psychotherapist, so I know how to evaluate anger management programs to assess if they actually work.
You may have access to a course in your local area, and I would definitely recommend you attend one if you have that option available.
Doing a class with other parents
who are struggling with the same issues can be extremely supportive.
It is wise to direct your anger towards problems, not people; to focus your energies on answers, not excuses.
William Arthur Ward
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Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way . . .that is not easy.
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