Can I Take My 19 Year Old Son's Car Away From Him?
Annie, recently you answered my question about my 19 year old son who wanted to transfer to a different college....partly because of his girlfriend.
I told my son that I would support his decision to transfer to the community college and then on to the local university.
I have run into another issue with him that I am hoping you can advise me on.
I asked that he stopped returning home(girlfriend's house) every two days due to the amount of money that I have paid for his campus apartment that he is only in 2 nights a week. I explained to him that I expect that for the remainder of this fall semester that he would remain on campus...using the apartment that has been paid for more than just two nights per week. He has not done this and continues to return home every two days.
In the meantime he secured a job in our home town, which I specifically asked him not to do and asked him to find work near or on campus and provided him with leads on job openings. He ignored that request as well.
Two weeks ago I was upset that he continued to disregard my request (even when I supported his request to transfer) and told him that if he returned home again that week I would drive him back to school and his car (which is in his name...a gift from his grandfather - my father, given to him last spring) would stay at our home and I would cancel the insurance. I also shared with him that the following weekend I would give him a "pass" to come home so that he could attend his high school's homecoming event. That was only 10 days away.
Last weekend, (which was the weekend I expected him to remain at school) I called him/texted him a few times each time he said he was at school and told me of things he was doing. He lied and got caught, as I saw his car parked at his girlfriend's apartment. He also lied to me about quitting the job that he got here in town and pursuing the job near campus. The job involves using his car for delivery, which our car insurance does not cover, yet he continued even after I shared with him the information about the car insurance.
He has returned home again this weekend, arrived last night (again not home, but at the girlfriend's house). With all that said, my question is: Do you believe that I have a right to take away his car to prevent him from returning home every two days?
Again, I am his main source of financial support, tuition, books, food, gas, apartment and car insurance. I am feeling that due to all of my support that it is not unreasonable for me to require that he spend the majority of his time on campus and in the apartment that I have paid for, in advance, at the beginning of the fall semester, which will require a $1,000 cancellation fee when we terminate the lease so that he can transfer to the hometown college.
I am hurt and angry that he has lied to me and doesn't seem to appreciate all of the things that I have done for him in order for him to go to college and work with him on transferring in the spring. I do not feel that it is unreasonable that I require him make some concessions (even if forced) as I have done for him.
What are your thoughts Annie?