How To Avoid Saying NO With LOA Parenting

by Linz
(UK)

Dear Annie
I am a fully fledged believer and follower of LOA and thank the universe daily that I discovered it. I fully appreciate how positive thoughts influence our lives for the better and strive to think consciously at all times!

The one area I'm really struggling with though is when my children pester me for things I either cannot physically afford at that very moment or that I think are inappropriate (i.e cakes for breakfast!). I find myself having to say no and it goes against the grain in my mind - I then spend longer back-peddling with thoughts like "we can eat cakes for breakfast... we can eat whatever we like and only good can come of it!"

But I'm still unconvinced it's the right way to tackle the issue. My socially conditioned brain tells me children should have cereal or toast in the morning, not sweets. Yet some LOA philosophers actively teach to "do the thing that makes you happy". My children would surely be happy with M&Ms for breakfast instead of toast, and I would feel joy at seeing them happy. But all social indicators for parenting suggest this is a negative thing to do and my children need the right foods or I'm not being a good mother!!!

In LOA terms, should I push away those negative thoughts and go with what the children want or ARE there times when saying "no" is a positive response when raising kids?

Separate from the food issue is the money thing. I am actively telling myself "I am abundant. I have more than enough money. I have so much money, I give it away!" I have been much more giving towards the children, treating them to day trips much more frequently, and buying them treats with joy (flicking away any thought of saying "it's too expensive and replacing it with "of course! here's the money!").

But what happens when the children pester for things that are currently out of my price range? The universe is most definitely working on getting me this influx of cash and I'm hugely thankful for it, but if I only have £10 in my purse to last 4 days and my kids want to go on fun fair rides at £4 per time, how do I explain I don't have the money without ruining all my positive thinking in the process? The kids want a straight answer!!

I am really looking forward to your reply, and I'm really pleased I found this fantastic website!

L

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Creative Law Of Attraction Parenting - Part One
by: Annie Desantis

Hi Linz,
Great questions and the sorts of things many parents wonder about with Law Of Attraction parenting. You are doing really well sifting out better ways of parenting and striving to be positive, so here's my take on your questions.

Firstly, you are not the font of all that is good for your children. You are doing them a dis-service by thinking and believing that if you don't provide all the goodies they want, that you are not following good LOA principals.

If you have aspects that you struggle with, then you are not honoring yourself when you go against that to please them. Yes you get joy from their excitement or pleasure, but you also are having to work hard at re-framing, or telling yourself affirmations to try to turn around your concerns. And your kids will pick up on the energy of your struggle with it all.

Firstly, you want to be helping your kids to create what they want - WITHOUT it having to come from you all the time. You are not teaching them to be conscious creators if you are the provider of all their desires and you are struggling with how to do that.

Instead what I suggest with parents - and with any issue - is get creative. You don't have all the answers about how they are going to manifest something, but you can help them learn to think creatively, and to hold their vision about what they want.

The best thing you can offer your children, is not a bottomless purse, but a role model of honouring your feelings, and finding ways to feel better in yourself. If it feels better to say no to cake for breakfast, rather than feeling you are not feeding them healthy foods, or struggling with thinking you HAVE to give in to cake - then honour that. It is likely to be too big a jump to think cake and M&Ms are going to provide all your kids nutritional needs. If you felt that was OK, then you would not need to ask the question. I can't get myself to feeling bliss and joy about that either, but what we can do, is find creative ways to honour the part of you that wants to be sure you are offering good nutrition, and the part of you that wants to give your kids what they want.

There are always dozens of other possibilities, and your job it to brainstorm, both with them and on your own to have fun with food, that may not
mean having M&Ms each morning for breakfast. You can then choose a choice together that feels good to you all.

Part Two Follows . . .

Creative Law Of Attraction Parenting - Part Two
by: Annie Desantis

Here's some of my ideas:

Make cake for breakfast something special, as a treat so they can look forward to it - a monthly baking day, they can collect recipes they want to try.

Make healthy cakes - carrot and zuchini cakes with cream cheese icing and pecan nuts is heaps healthier than white toast.

There are lots of sugar free options (not artificial sweeteners though), like Stevia or honey or apple juice to sweeten desserts and cakes.

Have a desert night and the kids can help bake.

Involve the kids in cooking so they prepare blueberry pancakes in the weekends.

Have a red food day - or any colour they choose. They can help shop, prepare and serve the all the red food.

Serve porridge or cereal in unusual containers - a child's tea-set, eat it out of the pot with wooden spoons, little jars or cups.

Have breakfast in bed, in a cubby house or at the park.

Get the idea? If you offer lots of other possibilities that you feel better about, then you are honoring that part of you that wants to offer healthy choices, and you are showing them ways to be creative and think outside the box. Cake for breakfast is not the only way to have fun for breakfast.

Ask Your Kids For Fun Ideas

You aim is to head for fun. So rather than trying to find a way NOT to say no, which actually means you are saying no to yourself and your concerns - instead involve your kids in problem solving. "You guys want cake, I want you to have something a bit healthier, lets see what ideas we can come up with that we can all have fun with."

It is not so much the cake itself they are wanting, it is the fact that it is a treat, and they equate cake with fun. So help them to think of lots of other ways they can have fun with food. Chopping fruit for smoothies, making pizza, rolling up wraps, making dips. You can help them find out what kinds of foods help which parts of our bodies.

Just an aside, there was some research done about kid's nutrition, and it debunked the myth that we have to have a balanced diet each day. Kids who were offered a wide variety of foods - including some treats - over the course of three or four weeks, actually ended up with a balanced diet. They may have had lots of cake one day, but the next day had fruit and carrot sticks. The key is
to have lots of other things available - don't just serve cake - have fruit or yogurt with it - instead of asking what they want all the time - put out a range of things so they can see them and respond to them instead of just wanting the treat options.

Part Two Follows . . .

Creative Law Of Attraction Parenting - Part Three
by: Annie Desantis

So lets use your example of a fun fair they want to go to. Firstly - you actually don't currently have the money for it.

Perhaps you are able to hold a clear vision long enough to manifest the money, but I suspect it is one of those times when you have way too much struggle going on to be able to make such a big leap, to firstly generating the money, and secondly feeling totally trusting that you have enough money for the rest of the week.

Abraham (via Esther Hicks,) tells us we can't go from worry about money to feeling totally abundant in one big jump. It is too big a gap. So when you see 10 pounds in your purse and the kids want 4 pounds worth of treats each, of course that is going to trigger the fear parts of you.

So the trick is to find a way to turn your attention away from not enough money, and the fact that the children are "pestering" you to go and you feel bad that you are not being abundant with them.

Brainstorming MORE Fun

So, lets get creative again:

What do they want underneath the idea of going to the fun fair?

To have FUN!!!

So what can you do that would be even MORE fun, but not trigger off your worry about not having enough money for the fun fair?

Create your own fun fair with the kids:

Face painting

An obstacle course

Make toffee apples

They could put on a magic show, or a puppet show.

They could write a story about kids who go to the fun fair.

Dress up (you too!)

Build a cubby house inside by moving all the furniture around and putting blankets over everything.

Run a neighbourhood alternative Olympics - lots of team games where everyone wins.

Then of course you could brainstorm with your kids, the ways to help THEM create the money to go to the fun fair:

The kids could sell popcorn, toffee apples, cupcakes at the gate.

They could do a car wash, vacuum neighbours houses, wash windows.

Sell their old toys on Ebay, have a garage sale.

They can create vision boards about fun fairs, and tell stories about how much fun the rides are, and aim to manifest the money for the next fun fair.

Creative Law Of Attraction Parenting - Part Four
by: Annie Desantis

The more you help them to create a vision and manifest ways to get what they want, the better you set them up with skills for life.

You do NOT have to be the one that provides the means to get them what they want. Instead you want to help them realize they are conscious creators and they have the power to come up with dozens of ways to have just as much fun - if not more, than they would have if you just tried to force yourself to stretch that 10 pounds at the fun fair.

Remember it is not the actual toy or activity that creates the fun, it is all of us. Fun fairs and toys and the latest gadgets are selling us fun - but there is no reason at all why we can't have more fun with our kids doing other things. Our kids want our time and our energy and our joy. Yes they will quite happily try to con us that the only way that can happen is if we shell out the money for the latest toy or theme park - but don't get hooked into that game!

Parents Hold A Larger Vision

As the parent, you hold the bigger vision of the family in your arms. That does mean paying the bills, and making sure you have enough money for groceries next week. It is much better to teach your kids prosperity generating tools about money management, than to teach them that mummy has a bottomless purse - or worse to buy what they want and then feel stressed about where the money is going to come from to fix the car. Teaching kids to manage money so there is money for all options is much better than teaching them instant gratification.

Having heaps of choices helps to free up money energy. When we feel there is only an either or choice - I can't spend it there is not enough - or I will spend it and try to MAKE myself believe it is OK - neither of those is really choice that is in harmony with your higher interests.

Instead look for more choices:

I could spend all this at the funfair if I decided it was the best choice.

I could find other ways that we can have fun.

I could choose to love this 10 pounds and use it to create a money poster.

I could choose to keep this 10 pounds in my purse to remind me of all the things I could buy with it. (you can make a list of 50 ways to spend 10 pounds)

I can choose to take care of our financial well-being and keep this money for other purposes.

The children can earn money and they can provide for many of their own treats. Having jars that they can make and decorate labels for is a good way for them to aim for bigger purchases and learn to spread money around. A Jar for Impulse treats, A Jar for bigger future vision spending, A Jar for investing - so this money is only used to make more money - A Jar for helping or surprising others, A Jar for holidays.

Part Five Follows . . .

Thank you x
by: Linz

Dear Annie
Thank you so much for such an amazing reply! I honestly didn't expect such detail. What you've said has reinforced the beliefs I've always held deep down, that had been clouded somewhat by the desire to banish negativity from my life. I now realise it's not a negative action to help my children make positive nutritional choices. And I fully believe the research you mention about looking over 7 days to see if the diet is balanced.

I'm so happy you believe that to be true also (I love to have junk foods on a Saturday and eat like a saint throughout the week, I'm sure billions of us do something similar and are healthy!) My children do eat a balanced diet but taking your advice I have started asking my 9 year old "are you sure that's a sensible diet choice?" when she asks for crisps. If she says "yes", I give them to her. I feel at peace by gently introducing the idea to her that she can make her own choice, however that may affect her body. Hopefully in this way, they can both grow up with an awareness of conscious choice and how their choices make them feel.

I'm no saint, I grew up sneaking cola from the fridge before school and eating chocolate for breakfast and I'm fine!! So I know there's nothing sinister linked to this sort of thing. It's just so empowering to know how to handle this sort of scenario without feeling angst at having said no to something.

As for making existing funds stretch, thank you once again for this fun-filled advice. A year ago my financial situation was terrible and in recent months my husband and I have really enjoyed having "spending money". I read somewhere that LOA principles state if you concentrate on lack and scarcity, you will only attract more like feelings. Continuing to notice I'm broke is something I cannot avoid all the while the children keep asking to go to the cinema etc and my answer is "but we don't have the money".

Should I just not answer them in this situation or should I answer this with another question to distract them, such as "where shall we go? The beach or the park?" I do know the universe is providing for me and money is right there ready to manifest. But you're right... Believing with entire faith that I can go to my purse and find money there right that instant IS a step beyond my comfort zone just now. I'm working on it!!

As I write this, it's Friday evening and I'm smiling at the thought of having treats with breakfast tomorrow! Blueberry pancakes sounding wonderfully tempting. Saturday will be our treat breakfast day and this is what I will say and think to feel good about my decision: "why would we have cake today sweetheart? It's not Saturday!".

So simple, but so wonderful!!
Thank you so much
Linz xxxxx

Being Honest Without Being Negative
by: Annie Desantis

Hi Linz,
Great to hear your thoughts, to answer your wondering about how to respond when the kids ask for something you don't have the money for:

You don't have to say "No, we can't afford it." But distracting or pretending is not congruent either - and the kids will know! Instead, re-frame it to something like - "I like to make sure I have plenty of money to pay for groceries and the money in my purse is for groceries this week." Or, "You know what? some of the money I have we use to pay for all the other wonderful things in our life, like electricity and having running water. We exchange that for money, and I really feel good when I pay all my bills on time"

Then ask for suggestions about what you can do together that would be fun but use other kinds of energy - not money energy!

Money is just a way of exchanging energy - we give money and get something in return. There are lots of other ways we can exchange energy and it is good if we can expand our kids ideas about what money actually is.

Banishing negative thoughts is just more negative stuff we are doing to ourselves. If we judge our thoughts as negative, then we are actually adding to the negative energy around an issue!

Just be playful, and instead of beating yourself up if you say something you perceive as a negative or limiting statement, instead have fun with it, and treat yourself lovingly. The more we are overt and obvious with our internal process - the more our kids learn to be more conscious in creating their world.

You can do lots of activities with kids that are prosperity type games - vision boards, 101 ways to spend a pound - any saving activities generate belief in being able to get things they want - and help them to help others. There are lots of ways of donating that kids can contribute to, where they can see their contribution is providing seeds to grow food, or money towards a well. It also helps them to appreciate all the good things we have that we take for granted.

Other Law Of Attraction Parenting Pages
by: Annie Desantis

There are other Parenting Questions on our site about using Law of Attraction Parenting, you may get some ideas from them too:

LOA Parenting Vs Traditional Parenting
Marcie is unsure if parents have to say yes to everything to be a "good" LOA parent.

Law of Attraction Parenting Advice
Melissa feels she is taking two steps forward, and one back when her automatic responses and reactions kick in with her children.

Parenting Meltdown
One of our homeschooling Mum's is trying really hard to "Do it right" with LOA and not looking after herself in the process.

Keep up the great work you are doing with your kids, the most important thing of all is to enjoy every moment - or find ways to make it more fun if you feel you are struggling a little.

with love,
Annie D :)

Thanks again
by: Linz

Hi Annie
Thank you once again. That's wonderful advice. I've already put that into practice today explaining to my children that the money I have this week is being saved for petrol to run my car, food for our packed lunches and to pay for their karate lessons. I'm saving some of the money for the garden party this afternoon. If I spend it today on the treats they're asking for, what will happen?

Then the magical response came... My older child said to my younger child "we mustn't ask for treats today because mum needs her money to spend at the garden party and to get to work! Let's go and watch a film together!"

Fabulous!

They feel content with the situation and so do I, safe in the knowledge that my children are happy, I'm happy and we can look forward to enjoying the week ahead, knowing I am providing not only for their physiological needs, but my own as well. It wouldn't make me feel prosperous to spend all my money and go without lunch all week!!! And I'm learning that to really gain from LOA I must treat myself with the same respect as I treat others - I too deserve a nice lunch every day.

It's important my children understand that the money we have needs to be shared to ensure we're all happy. And being happy and sharing can only attract more of the same, people will want to share with them, food will be abundant because in caring to ensure others have enough, LOA will mean there IS enough.

I also fully respect your comments about charity, I work for a charity which helps other charities. I fully believe in encouraging my children to understand how fortunate they are, even living in the UK is something we take for granted but I'm keen for them to realise what a true blessing this is. From the fact we live in comfort to the fact we have all five senses and our full mobility, to the teeny tiny things such as having an extra sweetie from the tin! I try to encourage them to be grateful for all of life's blessings.

Thank you for your kind words and I will enjoy reading the other articles you highlighted.
Linz

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