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Letter To My Son After Years Of Not Seeing Him

I love my son very much and I just located him on Facebook. I would love to find an example letter so I can write to my son and let him know I love him, that I'm his birth father.

His mother remarried and her husband adopted my son. But now he is 20 yrs old and I would love to reconnect.

I was young when we had him and his mother's family ran me off. They even tried to beat me up and I was the best provider to my wife and son, but it was a no win deal.

Can you help me? Thanks so much!

Annie's Reply

Wow, what a wonderful thing the internet is, finding ways to reconnect, I do hope you can get to meet your son, and get to know him.

The best thing you can do is write from the heart. Don't get into any blame against Mom or her family as his loyalty and relationship is with her, and at this stage you want to reconnect. You can tell your side of the story down the track when you get to know him, if he is open to hearing it. But you actually want to be building a new relationship based on who you both are now, not based on past resentment and hurts.

Just tell him who you are, that you never stopped loving him and you always wanted to be a part of his life, and you would love to re-connect and get to know him.

You don't know what he may have been told, and sometimes sadly children don't even know they are adopted, so a letter from you may be a hell of a shock. On the other hand, he may well have all sorts of questions he has wondered over the years.

He may also not be ready to meet you or have contact with you, and all you can do is open the door and hope he is ready to get to know his birth father. He may be worried about rocking the boat with his Mother, or he may have all sorts of preconcieved ideas about you and not be willing to make up his own mind yet. His is still pretty young, and will be just finding his feet and making his way in the world.

Hard though it is, you may have to be patient and give him some time to get used to the idea.

You will also need to be mindful about what you put up on facebook, remembering it is public. If you are contacting him through the message you can add to the friend request, I think you only have a limited amount of characters, and pressing enter does not give you a new paragraph, it submits it! So take your time and be clear about what you want to say. Keep it simple, and heartfelt, and hopefully he will want to meet you.

Good luck, I'd love to hear how you go, so feel free to comment back and let us know!

You are also welcome to ask further questions by commenting, and I'll get back to you.

Annie D :)

Comments for Letter To My Son After Years Of Not Seeing Him

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Adopted Son
by: Dave

I found my son on Facebook too - he was adopted out as a baby against my wishes. His Mother and myself were not getting along too well when he was conceived and she was adamant that she was not ready to raise a child.

I was prepared to take on the responsibility but I did not have a say in the matter and she decided that the baby was better off in a proper family home.

It has always been something in the back of my mind wondering what became of him, and how he was doing.

I married and raised a family with my wife, but still this niggle was there. Quite by chance I found out his last name, and tentatively started searching for him. And yes, like the previous man, I found him on Facebook. It was a shock to him, though he knew he was adopted he did not expect me to find him. We correspond by email and have made plans to meet up later in the year, as we live in different cities.

It has bought great peace to me to know he is OK and has grown up to be a wonderful young man, despite the lack of my input!

I am really looking forward to meeting him in person and getting to know him better.

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Do you have a question or want to send a submission to Annie? Simply click here to return to A Letter To My Child.

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