Misbehaving Children
Are They Really Naughty Children?
Ever Wondered:
- Why are my children misbehaving?
- Are children deliberately naughty?
- What can I do about bad behaviour?
- Is my child's behaviour normal?
- How can I deal with misbehaving children?
I often have parents tell me they find it really hard to deal with misbehaving children. But are they really naughty children?
Here's an idea for you to entertain: Children have no intention of being deliberately naughty!
Parents also say - he's just trying to get attention! Of course he is! And even though it is sometimes really hard for parents to handle bad behaviour,
the reason children misbehave is they have unmet needs.
Difficult child behaviour such as tantrums or acting up, are your child's way of telling you they are unhappy or angry.
Many children start to learn that throwing a tantrum is a great way to get attention. And even negative attention is better than none!
Parent's Management Of Bad Behaviour
Not always easy, but your job as a parent is to make sure they are getting their needs filled in positive, constructive ways, not getting their attention by bad behaviour.
The best way you can do this is to reinforce their good behaviour.
Make sure you spend plenty of quality time reading, playing and talking to your children.
Parents sometimes think they are spending all their time doing things for their kids because they have washed clothes,
cooked meals, got them off to school etc. Sure kids need those basic requirements,
but most importantly they need their spiritual and emotional needs met and they need to be extended and stimulated mentally.
Numerous studies show children who have lots of adult conversation, eye contact, are read stories, and play lots of games with their parents, excel at school,
and are better developed socially. If you have misbehaving children maybe they are bored and not being challenged?
You can tell them you know they are really capable, get them involved in something with you that encourages them to ask questions, or to master a skill.
Helping you cook, measuring quantities, using tools, reading labels or recipes are fantastic learning opportunities along with heading off bad behaviour.
Older children can take responsibility for developing a set of instructions for using the DVD player (many of us adults find that a challenge!).
My children had to prepare two meals a week each from the time they were 12 years old.
We had some basic nutritional guidelines, but they tried out all sorts of recipes, and basked in the appreciation of the rest of the family.
Misbehaving children at the dinner table was never an issue when they were the chef!
Families that play and communicate together are far better equipped to weather the challenges of family life.
Focus on building strong relationships with your children rather than emphasising their bad behaviour.
Child Behaviour = Family Barometer
The other challenge I would offer you when you have misbehaving children is to ask yourself what is going on with you?
Our children act as a mirror for what is happening around them. If you are out of sync, then your child will pick it up quicker than anyone.
unruly child behaviour is often more about the disharmony in the home, a barometer if you like of what is happening. Maybe you and Dad had a fight last night,
maybe you are frustrated with your job, maybe you are not doing the things that feed your soul?
Showing your kids how you get yourself back on track and feeling positive again, is the most powerful lesson in managing bad behaviour. Tell them how you feel when you are frustrated or angry,
your are showing them their feelings are not bad or wrong, they are just telling them something is out of whack! Then model to them what you do when you are grumpy -
take a walk, have a bath, play some music, do a grumpy dance. I guarantee you if you get them to help you do a grumpy dance, no-one will stay grumpy for long!
Then you come back and say I'm starting to feel better now, I love you so much - let's have a cuddle and read a story or I need a hug. They learn from what you are doing
to handle strong feelings.
You will get far more satisfaction out of parenting when you have as much fun as possible and reinforce your children
getting attention in positive ways. Make sure they know, their bad behaviour is nothing to do with how much you love them.
NEVER NEVER make compliance a condition of your love and approval.
Use their challenging behaviour as a signal to you that they have unmet needs and find ways to encourage them to get those needs met in more productive ways.
New Take On Misbehaving Children
Misbehaving children - think about it, a
MIS-take or
MIS-behaving, is just something that has
missed.
So your job as a parent is to help your child to get in alignment with what they want, and find positive ways to get it. And to understand that
naughty children, who are playing up for attention do
need attention. That is not a bad thing at all.
Honor their feelings, and help them find ways of getting what they want without bad behaviour.
Teach Skills Rather Than Discipline
Instead of struggling with misbahaving children, I work from the premise that kids need to learn new skills in order to behave differently.
For many years I have run Super Skills 4 Kids as an extensive course teaching kids (and parents) to reach their goals - be it a skill goal, or behavioral goal.
I am very excited to have finally re-developed this course into a home-study course, available online, that is accessable to lots more families.
Super Skills 4 Kids is packed with tools and comes with a bonus workbook. I've had many parents say they use many of the techniques for themselves!
To find out how you can work with your kids to manage their behaviour differently, visit our Super Skills 4 Kids page.
Coaching To Help You Deal With Bad Behaviour
Throughout the site you'll find lots of tips to inspire or support you in disciplining children with love and respect, and empowering your children to develop
their internal guidance and self discipline.
You can also get your questions answered online with our mini-coaching service, Ask Annie.
There are lots of questions posted, and you may find some ideas from questions other parents have asked. Feel free to post comments too, we love interaction with our readers!
More Help with Misbehaving Children
Misbehaving Children and Discipline
For more ideas on handling misbehaving children read my article on disciplining children.
Teen Problems
Teenage years can be a delight and a challenge for many parents. Here's some ideas on handling some of those tricky times and learning to negotiate with teenagers.
Teenage Behavior
This Audio answers questions from readers about communicating with teenagers. You can listen to it from the page, and there is an overview also.
Child Development
One of the keys to understanding child behaviour, is understanding what is appropriate for the child's age.
Click here for an overview with links to more in depth stages.
