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My 8 year old daughter wants to run around without clothes!

by Marcie
(King, NC Stokess)


My 8 year old daughter wants to go around without any clothes. We are at odds about it. When we were doing traditional parenting, we just flat out told her "No" and get over it.

Now we have made the transition from traditional to more LOA parenting and I'm trying to consider how to deal with this. She acts like this is natural and we are being unreasonable to expect her not to do this.

We are a family of 7 with 2 boys and 3 girls.

Thanks so much for advice.

Comments for My 8 year old daughter wants to run around without clothes!

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8 Year Old & Clothes - Part One
by: Annie Desantis


Hi,
Tricky one! I can see your little girl is such a free spirit, and when you think about it, we were not born with clothes on, so she is doing what is natural.

But unless you live in a nudist colony it is harder to deal with when our social norms say you have to wear clothes!

In LOA terms, she is lined up with what makes her feel best. She loves being naked. But you also have to focus on what makes you feel good and if you can't stay in sync with you, when you go shopping with a naked 8 year old, then you are going to feel better having her wear clothes.

Maybe you can have some kind of arrangement with her, that she has times where she can be free as a bird, and times when she conforms. I would expect she would be starting to recognize the times she might feel more comfortable wearing clothes - (like hopefully in public!). Maybe you can feel OK with just knickers, or a swimsuit or pair of shorts?

Just something to check, she may also be someone with highly sensitized skin, and wearing clothes is actually physically uncomfortable. These kind of children, as babies, tended to cry when wearing clothes, particularly any kind of textures. She might be more comfortable in soft cottons or silk.

The other thing you might want to think about, has this become a power struggle issue? Is this the way she gets attention in the family? You say you have 5 children, and in a busy household there is often a middle child who would be a little unnoticed unless they make sure they get your attention. This is clearly something that has got your attention in the past. It certainly makes her stand out from the crowd! Maybe you can find some way of making her feel special and unique without having to be naked.

Try playing it down and instead make special time to be with her that might be a celebration - a Mom and daughter dance class, or something creative together. I suspect she is very much a physical/kinesthetic little girl, so doing something physical or tactile would be good ways of connecting with her.

Part Two Follows . . .

8 Year Old Daughter & Clothes - Part Two
by: Annie Desantis

Part Two . . .
You have also probably got into a bit of a mindset about her not wearing clothes. So when you bring her to mind you are probably thinking, "OMG, I hope she doesn't take off her clothes tomorrow when our visitors arrive", or "here we go, same old battle, I'm going to have to make her get dressed" etc. The trouble is, the more you focus on it being an issue, the bigger it will get!

Just try holding a vision of her playing happily in a tee-shirt or getting dressed by herself without any prompting or arguments. Remember the times she did get dressed happily or find times that it was not an issue and focus on them. If you reinforce the vision and energy around what you want, then you will take some of the power out of it.

I hope this gives you some ideas, I'd love you to report back and let us know how you go!

Wishing you JOY,
Annie Desantis

BLESSINGS!!!
by: Marcie

Oh, this is such a blessing and I am so thankful to have found your web page. I am most certain that I attracted this information and your heart!!! I have been desiring such a place!!! Blessings to you!!!! I have been around some other parenting places that felt more condemning and left me quite unsettled. This is GREAT advice and soooo helpful! I thought the same thing about it feeling natural to her and that is what left me so at odds with what to do. Would you say it is appropriate for her to do this (like you said give her a time) around just us family or not? THANKS AGAIN SO MUCH!!!

Make A Joint Decision
by: Annie Desantis


Work it out with her, make it a joint decision that meets both your needs. Be honest with her, tell her that you love that she is so joyful in her lovely little body, but that you are struggling with finding places where you can both enjoy it and you don't feel uncomfortable.

Maybe inside the house feels ok, not outside? Maybe in the back yard but not the front? Maybe at the beach, but not the shops. Maybe there are some friends that you feel comfortable with her running around naked, maybe others it would be just too hard to stay in sync with yourself.

Work out with her where you can both be comfortable, rather than you or your husband making the decision and imposing it on her. Try not to buy in to worrying about what other people will think, but you still have to get to a place of being able to stay connected to your loving of her, not your worry about what is appropriate.

Find out what she wants, and ask her for ideas of how you can work around it. She may well come up with ideas you haven't thought of.

Good Luck!
Annie Desantis

Naked Time
by: Anonymous

My 8 year old son has always loved being naked. He is very much a physical person who uses touch as a major form of connection. So he is aware of his body. As he got older we started to deal with social norms and teaching him to be appropriate. What we worked out with him was 'naked time'. When he tells us he wants to be without clothes he is given a choice to be in his room without clothes. We are not in his room at the same time, nor is anybody else.
And we may have to set a time limit depending on the daily schedule.
So far is works well.
C

Physical = Connection
by: Annie Desantis

Hi,

Thanks for your comment, a great insight and you have clearly found a way to handle it that works for your family, without your little boy feeling bad about his body.

I think for kids (and adults!) who are kinesthetically dominant - feeling, sensation etc, are much more likely to be aware of their body, and relate from how they feel. So having a physical sense of who they are is so important.

We tend to rely far more on our visual and hearing and neglect our other senses in this technological age. Those who are very aware of the body have an advantage in usually being very grounded, and able to trust their instincts more.

Fantastic that you are allowing him to find ways to stay connected with his body, it will be a great strength for him,

Wishing you JOY,
Annie Desantis

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