Mad Mind Munchkins And Your Family Bank

Inspired Parenting Newsletter July 15th 2011

I've been reflecting on some of our parenting questions, as I had two very different questions come in yesterday, one of which was a topic many parents have trouble with, sexuality and children. We also got a great reply from another parent, giving her perspective. Both very different family values and both clearly wanting to raise their children in harmony with what is important for their own particular family.

The second question was from a very stressed father. I love it when Dads write in - sometimes they take a less active role in parenting, or are in more of a support role, backing up Mom. So it is very powerful when a father is pro-active about making changes and learning more effective ways to raise children. This lovely - though very stressed man is clearly wanting to create a more loving and harmonious family life.

One of the things I wanted to share with you all from my reply, is the idea of your family bank. I am not talking about a money bank here, but the idea is the same. You deposit into a bank, and make withdrawals. If you are making more deposits, then your interest is going to compound and your family collateral will grow. If you keep making withdrawals from the family bank, then it runs into the red pretty quickly.

Withdrawals are all the unkind or negative things that happen in a family, and deposits are all the loving appreciative things you say and do. Now - Moms often think they are adding lots to the family bank by being a martyr and doing lots of chores and household tasks. But if you are doing these while you are stressed, feeling resentful or irritated, you are actually depleting the family bank. You are only contributing to the family bank when you are doing those chores or tasks with love.

Worth thinking about.

Of course Moms and Dads do heaps for their kids because they love them. But if we are not being mindful and reconnecting with that love when we do all those chores, or worse, are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, then you are actually contributing negative energy to your family bank.

Of course we don't want to do that, and much of the time we are not aware of the energy we are putting out. I know - life is crazy busy a lot of the time, and no parent is perfect. I do NOT want you to feel guilty if you just realized you were fed up when you hung that load of washing out this morning - that would just withdraw from your own energy bank by feeling guilty. The more stressed we get, the more that little mad mind munchkin starts running your life.

Simply living has an element of stress, and some stress is actually good for you. It can motivate us to get things done, it can keep you on your toes. But mostly we have unhealty levels of stress, and as parents, our energy is filtering down to our kids. If our little mad mind munchkin has kicked into overdrive complaining in our head, or telling us we are not appreciated, or not loved, or telling us there is too much to do, or not enough money - then we start to spiral down and all our energy goes into paddling madly just to keep our head above water.

But we can make a conscious effort to do what we do with love. If we can infuse our good vibes into our chores and into every day tasks, we are putting BIG deposits into our family bank. And helping to make the world a better place!

Our kids are particularly sensitive to our energy. If your kids are bouncing off the walls, stop and check in with yourself - there may well be stuff you are running unconsciously that you were not paying attention to.

You can teach your kids the concept of the family bank. They have just as much responsibilty for putting in deposits as you do. They can become mindful of the question - "Is what I am doing adding to our family bank?"

Brainstorm as a family all the ways you could be contributing to your family bank.
Here's a few to get you started:

• Pay someone a compliment
• Give someone a hug
• Do someone elses chore secretly BIG deposit here if you are a sibling!
• Play games and have fun together VERY important
• Stop and do whatever you need to do to feel good, or refuel yourself
• Take some deep breaths and remember all the lovely things about your family or one family member. Think of the special moments, or the best times you hvae had.
• Make a card or write a love letter
• Notice and appreciate the things your family does for you

The links to our featured parenting questions are over in the right column.

Events

What The Experts Know: Education And Learning

Education and learning is something I am very passionate about - but school is NOT!!

Schools are designed to impart a standardized education to the average child. Teachers cannot hope to spend much one on one time with a child to foster their unique abilities - in a class of 25 students, they have less than two and a half minutes per hour for each child.

Scary isn't it.

Sure some children do thrive in school, and there are some very passionate dedicated teachers out there. But I'm married to a teacher so I know how heart-breaking it can be for the kids that don't fit the one size fits all schooling.

So I was delighted to come across a tele-seminar that is totally free that has a line up of experts on learning and education and work to empower children.

There is an impressive line up of inspirational experts such as Izzy Kalman - an expert on bullying, Michael Simonson and Laurie Ferris who give a new understanding about ADHD and Peter Tongue, a former high school principal, but now a spiritual life coach.

Learning And Education Tele-summit

Running July 18th - August 11th you'll learn:

• How to empower your child (The results will truly surprise you!)
• How innovative schools create happy, self empowered kids
• Why traditional labels put on your child can become self-fulfilling prophecies (to the worse)
• Simple ways to change confrontation into cooperation
• Why fear blocks our ability to perform - and what to do about it
• What you need to succeed in life, but schools don't teach
• How to cope with ADHD without drugs
• Why our subconscious programming runs our lives and how to change it
• A radical change in perception on autism
• How simple visualization techniques make happier kids and better students

Register now.

Featured Book Review

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves

Naomi Aldort's books challenge many traditional ideas of parenting. She is very grounded in Law of Attraction Parenting, and sees our children as being equals in the relationship. Of course, play is central to learning and growing, and Naomi encourages parents to get in touch with their own inner child.

She emphasizes that parents need to let their kids grow and explore at their own pace, and for parents to be responding and engaging, but not directing their child's learning.

As parents we have a lot of investment in wanting our children to be successful, to master skills or achieve in school, pass tests etc. Being able to step back and support and encourage our kids to flower and develop in their own way is pretty challenging for most parents. Naomi homeschooled, and her children are very creative and talented, and have achieved very highly, particularly musically.

I love her work, she is a very loving grounded woman, and full of wisdom.

Have a great week with your kids, and don't forget to fill that family bank to overflowing!