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Stepmom to Mom!

by Jill

I have 2 stepchildren they are 6 and 4. They call me by my 1st name (Jill). Their mother does not want them calling me Mom!

Now I am having a baby with their Dad. I am worried that our son will call me by my name instead of Mommy because he will hear my stepchildren call me Jill.

How do I make sure my son will call me Mom?

Reply From Annie

Hi Jill,
That is a bit of a dilemma. Having a baby of your own is a very special time and of course you want to be called Mom.

You didn't say if your step-kids live with you - or just visit. But they will influence your son of course and it will be a bit confusing sometimes as to what to call you.

If they just visit and stay part time, it will be clearer - but if they live with you most of the time then I would suggest you try to relax your attachment to having to always be called Mom.

Your step children also need to know they are loved and wanted and part of the family and that does not change because you will now have your own baby.

So making a big deal out of the difference between your name is hurtful, not creating harmony in your home.

It is better to be matter of fact about it all and use it as an opportunity to give a bit of education about where babies come from!

Lots of kids go through a stage of calling Mom and Dad by their name when they figure out Mom and Dad also have a different name. So your son of course will be aware of that a lot earlier.

Don't make a big deal out of it if he does sometimes call you Jill - particularly when the other kids are around. As he grows up he will understand more and more that he came out of your tummy and you are his Mom and of course he is very special to you.

The most important thing is how much you all love each other - yes it is lovely and very special to hear your child call you Mommy - but more importantly is the bond you will have and ensuring his half siblings are also loved and an important part of your little family.

All the children need a powerful supportive loving family and in these days of blended families the mix of parents, step parents, and of course even step grandparents, gets very confusing.

Just don't make too big a deal out of it so he feels wrong if he includes himself with the other kids and calls you Jill - or hurt the other kids by insisting in front of them that he has to call you Mom.

The name is nowhere near as important, as the deep love and bond that you will share. And more than likely much of the time he will call you Mommy, once he figures it all out.

Congratulations - and enjoy all your precious moments with your new baby AND your step children.

with love
Annie D :)

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