What To Do When Your Daughter's Girlfriend Tries To Limit Her Dating?
My daughter went out with this boy for a long time, and when he broke up with her, dropping her right before her 17th birthday, she was devastated.
Now, she is finally interested in someone new, but her girlfriend who introduced them is having a fit and thinks it would be disloyal for her to go out with him.
I want to get her dating again to get over this boy, and I don't want her to be disloyal to her friend, but it seems crazy this girl is trying to limit her. She's not really interested in him, she's just jealous. What can I say? Or should I just stay out of it?
It's just that it's been a year, and so it's time for her to move on. She would likely have a much better senior year.
Parent Coach Reply
It is so hard to see our kids get their heart's broken, but it is all part of learning about relationships, painful though it is. You clearly want to see her happy, but getting into another relationship is not something she needs
to do to be able to move on.
She needs to feel good about herself whether in a relationship or not. Though her self esteem may have taken a battering when her previous boyfriend dumped her, she will simply give away more of her power if the only way to feel good is to be in a relationship.
She has to learn to trust that when the time is right and she is interested in someone else then she will know. Starting dating again, and all the first awkward, exciting, nervous moments of dating someone new is just part of life. You can't really advise her to do more than simply trust in what feels right to her and test the waters again.
The issue with the girlfriend is a strange one. Why if she is not interested would she suggest your daughter would be disloyal to go out with this new boy? If her friend is wanting your daughter all to herself and not want her to date, then this is not a very healthy or supportive friendship. She may have missed the friendship in the past when your daughter was dating her previous boyfriend and is worried that if she gets involved with someone again she will drop the friendship. Sometimes we forget to nuture our other friendships when all our energy is going into a new relationship.
Your daughter needs to be able to discuss it with her friend to see what the issue is, and then she has to make up her own mind whether she wants to be controlled by what she is asking. If both girls are interested in the same boy, then they may well decide together that their friendship is too important to risk over a boy. I can't see where the loyalty issue comes in - surely if she was wanting to see her friend happy she would be pleased to have introduced her to someone new.
Your job as a parent of a 17 year old is to really just be a listener and ask her how she feels and what she sees as the issues. Then help her to explore the possibilities and step back and let her make any choices.
Enjoy her growing up, even when she is struggling - relationships are not always easy, whether friends or dating, and there is heaps for her to learn.
Annie D :)