The Stress level In Here Is Stifling Everyone!
I thought I would start with background, and get to the question. When I met my wife, she was still with but separated from her husband. This was in Asia, and she is a native Asian (as are our two older children, whom I have adopted).
She is a mix of the old-school Asian (disciplined, methodical, etc.) and Western (strong, funny, independent), which was part of the appeal - not subservient, as many women from there are.
Her previous marriage was terrible, he was a real jerk. The kids did not even know him, he spent all of his time at work or locked in his own room. The younger of the two has no recollection of him.
My wife does take medication daily, as she had part of her thyroid removed. I believe the medication does help to keep her balanced, at least it is meant to. It does have side affects though, as she does get tired easily, which you will see is part of what I believe the problem to be.
We now have a 3rd child, all 3 are daughters - 11, 6 and 18 months. I am no saint, and I have certainly said and done things that were not kosher, to say the least. But I also always be sure to apologize, and work hard to do better. And for my transgressions, forgivness is not an option. I have never cheated, and I love my wife dearly. There is nothing that I have done that is unforgivable.
My wife, and please understand that I am not blaming her, she would have her own side, but she is not perfect either, and yet she also never apologizes. She has a very short temper, and is quick to raise her voice and is not one to go speak to the children after she has done so to explain herself.
Over the past several months, things have really started to take a dive here. There are almost daily fights, and both of the older children talk back without hesitation, though they would not do it at school or anywhere else.
I know that for the most part, my wife and I have to make efforts to change our approach. Here I am writing to you, while my wife thinks I am wasting my time researching this on the internet.
My question is: How can I get my wife to see that our children are not beyond help, and that we have to come together and parent in a positive way? My family is the most important thing to me, and I am ready to at least make every effort to change my ways. But if I try and my wife stays in her old ways, how can we turn things around? It takes effort, and I know she is often just too tired to even speak about stuff (thyroid issue, medication).
This may not even be a question you are planning to answer, but as a parent trying to rebuild his family, I am turning to you for help!
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