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What to do about in-laws and other fear based relatives? :)

by Trish

Hi Annie,
My in-laws and some other relatives are so negative and it scares me to hear them talk about the world and life. I can listen to them and create my own experience - but I worry that if my son spends too much time with them that he will absorb their fear and worry. Yet - they are his family - what can I do?

He is one year old so I really can't explain very well to him that his grandparents do not view the world as we do.

Thank you for your help!

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Trust Your Own Influence - Part One
by: Annie Desantis

Hi Trish,

Great question, I often get asked something similar! You know you have no way of controlling all the experiences your children will have. And he needs to have a much wider variety of experiences than just yours. In actual fact you are also focusing on a fear based world when you worry they are going to have a negative influence on your son!

Of course we want to protect our children from horrible events, and as parents we do have lots of control over what kind of influences they are exposed to. But you can only do that with things that actually ARE in your control, like not having TV news on, and even then, your husband may love watching the news! You can deliberately not focus on horrible or dramatic world events, and you can provide lots of wonderful positive experiences for your son.

However, even things you think are a wonderful positive experience may not be what your son wants at that moment in time anyway! Like you may think visiting a playgroup would be exciting for him, and he doesn't want to have his clothes changed or get in the car. So in fact he is then feeling angry and frustrated, not sweetness and light!

My point is, no matter how hard you try, you cannot control outside influences, nor can you control how your son reacts - even with your best intentions! You son needs contact with his relatives, and there will be lots of good in that and fun along with the negative drama about the world. You don't need to explain anything to him, kids can see and accept people have lots of different ideas, rules, outlooks and tend to accept it without judgments while they are young. The younger they are, the more they just connect with the loving energy in us all, they don't get so caught up in the stuff.

Unfortunately the older we get, the more our belief systems shape how we react and view the world. We tend to then collect evidence to support our belief that the world is not a safe or nice place. It is wonderful that you are consciously choosing to create a positive experience, and focusing on creating the kind of life you want. Your relatives would most likely think this is all woo woo!

Part Two Follows . . . . .

Trust Your Own Influence - Part Two
by: Annie Desantis

Part Two . . . .

The key is YOU have to focus on what is good in the situation with the in-laws, or you are adding to the negative energy and fear they radiate. They probably love him very much, maybe you get time out when they have him, maybe they teach him songs, maybe they play different kinds of games with him. Remember, their intention is not to harm your son, their concern over the state of the world is because they worry what he is growing up in. It is because they care about him they worry.

Your son needs lots of different experiences so he can work out his own preferences. If everything was perfect (and how would you ever know what his version of perfect was) then he would have no choice point, no growth, no stimulation.

You want him to be able to find a way to enjoy himself no matter what is going on around him. You don't want his well-being to be dependent on only being surrounded by positive people. When he is tuned in, he will be drawn to the love energy, not the negative drama. He will pay more attention to what he likes about being with them, and won't take any note of the fact that they are worried about the economy or how many wars there are.

So put your focus on your loving. It sounds like you are allowing yourself to be knocked off center with their negativity. So hold a clear vision of your version of the world and use their words as a way of reminding you to re-focus. The best thing you can do for your son, is show him how to get back to feeling good.

He is a lucky wee boy to have a Mom who is aware of how powerful our thoughts, feelings and energy is. I am sure he will grow up with a very strong core of self belief and he will have such a wealth of wonderful experiences with you, he will be a very tuned in little boy.

EnJOY your little one, let go the worry, and just trust in him and yourself :)

Annie D

Thank you!
by: Trish

Hi Annie,

Great insight! Thank you! I will focus on the good in the situation and not give power or energy to the other stuff. :)


Focusing when you can.
by: Annie Desantis

Thanks Trish!

Focus when you can, but don't give yourself a hard time if you don't always manage to focus on the good stuff! Simply turn your attention back when you notice you are running the story about how negative they are.

It can be difficult around people who are that way inclined, but they really are providing us with a window into aspects of ourselves that are not always as positive as we would like!

Being aware we always have a choice in any situation as to how we react, is half the journey!

Wishing you JOY,
Annie D

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